recently ive been feeling sort of free spirited. not in a “i don’t have anything to worry about” kind of way (chile, i wish), but ive noticed that ive been much less insecure about…well everything.

today, i was in ballet and these boys (or at least one specifically) was talking shit. and i know he was talking shit because i could smell it. there was a pungent scent every time he stared in my direction and opened his little mouth. now ballet is not the foundation of my dance so i know i was looking a little wild. so im sure everything he was saying was true.  but unlike before, everything he was saying and his side-eyes and laughs slipped right off. during the across the floor combinations i didnt shrivel up in his presence and i didnt get discouraged even though i was definitely struggling with the steps. i didnt care.

and there in lay the difference: before, though i still would have continued with class, it would have been me being courageous and confronting the condescending stares of these boys. it would have been an act of bravery, me acting through fear and insecurity. but today there was no fear. it wasn’t that deep. i just kept moving.

i actually couldn’t have cared less about what they or anyone else in that class (save the teacher) had to say about me. when class was done i even told him and his boys “good job” because…well they looked good in there. but i wasnt the least bit bitter, discouraged or phased.

in my mind, bc they were not for me, theyre opinions simply did not matter.

ive been in a lot of situations as of late where my personal and artistic expression have been challenged. but my relationship with them both have changed. maybe its because im more present and focused on myself and what i want than before.

but in terms of my art, at the end of the day, no man gave me the gifts i have so no man can take them away. adding on to that, though i believe God blessed me with an artistic inclination i am the one who has developed my skills so in the end my art still ends with me. and i will continue to express whether people want to listen/watch or refuse to believe in anything i do/create.  i will stop dancing, singing, playing, writing, dreaming when i say so. if youre trying to make me feel small and break me, youre going to have to try a little harder this time. this is my show, i run it and it will go on with or with out the support or acceptance of others.